How can you make stand-up comedy boring? Ask Vince Vaughn. He's proven to be an expert in Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Show. 
This is the last Rambo, not the first Rambo. At least I hope this is the last Rambo. Let me explain the plot with a nursery rhyme...gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily
BLOW THE FARKER UP!!
What starts out as an interesting look into the Burma crisis turns into 90 minutes of dismemberment. Seriously. This is the most violent movie I've ever seen. You can see daylight through every bullet wound. And more limps are severed than words spoken by Rambo.
The movie sucks, but what I really want to talk about is Molog. Here's how Wikipedia describes it:
MoLog, or Movie Log is a BD-Live feature. This interactive feature allows the viewer to participate in online discussions regarding Blu-ray titles. This online discussion community will be accessible from a BD-Live player and blogging can be done while the film is being viewed or as a standalone feature. Viewers can also access MoLog from any home computer with an internet connection.
But the best part (and by "best", I mean "horribly offensive") came when we got to the animated clip art. The demo selects a clip called "Hanging" and places it in the top left corner. It's a man swinging in a noose with about 3 frames of animation. So as the rest of the demo goes on, there's a Burmese villager swinging from a noose in the top third of the screen. You can't help but laugh and be mortified at the same time. Seriously, if you get a chance to watch this in Blu-Ray (don't. ever.). Watch the Molog demo. You'll never forget it.
Grade: D
Like all of Jack Black's other movies, I thought, "instant rental" when I saw the trailers for Be Kind, Rewind. Nacho Libre had me laughing for hours and School of Rock was ok, but neither of them were worth wasting $10 on. Same with Be Kind, Rewind.But here's the thing with this movie. It's like a spoof movie in that there are a list of prerequisite films to get the humor. Fortunately, that shouldn't be a problem because who hasn't seen Ghostbusters or Driving Miss Daisy? ...Says the man who just saw Predator and the Rambo movies.
The humor is all fine and dandy, but I found the "magic" of some movie tricks to be the most interesting. As these guys are remaking these movies on the cheap, it's amazing at how great some of the shots look. Sure, it's cheesy and cheap, but that's kind of the point. My favorite was the "night mode" while wearing Xeroxed copies of their face. Trust me, it's hilarious.
Anyway, if you like Jack Black go rent this. If not, well, Mos Def is funny.
Grade: B-
I remember reading an interview with one of the Star Trek cast members who said that the script only had "
I'm actually worried about reviewing The Dark Knight so early in its release. So do me a favor. If you haven't seen it and are certain that you are going to, then read this after you watch it. Also, don't read anything else about the movie until you go see it. Deal?
Still reading? Stop it.
Last chance.
OK, so let me throw some numbers at you. The Dark Knight broke the record for the opening day release, the opening IMAX release, and the opening weekend. It's projected to take in over $155M in three days. I went to a Sunday night showing and it was full, so that number might actually be higher.
The numbers are big, the reviews are glowing, and there's even Oscar talk surrounding it. But The Dark Knight suffers from all the hype. And I think I know why.
The types of people who read comic books are used to deep storylines with complex characters. Hollywood doesn't realize this and spits out movies with lots of action and shallow plotlines. Sometimes they turn out ok, but most of the time Hollywood thinks it can put a man in a cape and make bank. The last Spider-Man, Superman Returns, and all the Fantastic Four movies are perfect examples.
Now, we have a comic book movie with a deep plot and complex characters and the people who vote for the Oscars are crapping their pants. Smoke is rising from their ears as they shout "OMG!!! Give them the Little Golden Man!!!!" into their cell phones.
Hopefully, this is a sign of change from Hollywood and we will be spared from crappy superhero movies. Probably not, but I wanted a "cup half full" moment. Let me keep it, you cynical jerk.
Now don't get me wrong. The Dark Knight is the best Batman movie yet. But you've seen better stories. If you rattle off your top five movies, I doubt this one tops them. It might top #6, though.
I love how Nolan and his gang have re-envisioned Batman. This movie fits perfectly with Batman Begins and I can't wait for the third. If- No, when you see this, know that it's awesome, but don't expect perfection.
Grade: A
If you've never read The Kite Runner, now you don't have to. They made it into a movie. I read the book last year and it is an incredible story. One you must watch or read at some point in the near future.
Whoever did the movie did a great job translating the book. I could tell a few things they changed, but they were changes that made sense. Some things may work fine in a book, but fall apart when filmed. The director fixed all those very well.
One cool thing is that I finally understood the kite battles. Watching them unfold (as opposed to reading them) added some tension that the book lacked because I couldn't get my imagination to understand what the heck was going on. Watching them take place makes me want to go get a kite and try it out.
I'm not really going to say a whole lot about this because it's one of those movies that's best to go into knowing nothing. Just take my word and rent it. Or, if you're a reader, pick it up next time you're out shopping. It's an incredible story and you need to experience it.
Grade: A
300 is one of my all-time favorite movies. Sure, the plot is simple - maybe a too simple. And there's no character development to speak of. But when you take that kind of style, wrap it in bloody combat, then deep-fry it in testosterone - you better serve me up seconds.Another aspect of 300 I like is all the jokes that have saturated the internet. Jokes like this:
Seriously. I've laughed at that for days. What I didn't laugh at was Meet the Spartans. OK, I get that it's a spoof of 300. But what is it with spoof movies these days? Years ago, they would take a bunch of different plots and mash them into a single story, hopefully with plenty of jokes to go around. But like Walk Hard, Meet the Spartans only spoofs one movie, and follows it scene for scene. Where's the originality in that?
Oh and where are the jokes? Instead of taking the opportunity to make some clever 300 jokes (like the one above), this crapfest just thows in pop culture references. Two hours of them. For instance, I bet you can think of who gets kicked into the bottomless pit.
I will admit that some were funny ("Tonight, we dine at Hooters!!"), but most were awful. I also have to give props to the main actor. His impression of Gerard Butler is classic. But everything else sucks. Skip this one.
Grade: D
Going in to Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D, I had no idea what to expect. It's the first live-action 3D movie, so it could be very important to movie history. Sure, there was Hannah Montana and U2 3D, but those were concerts. There wasn't much of a need for quick cuts and scene changes. In 3D, a bad scene change with a different focus will melt your eyes. True story.
Since it's the first, that means it set the bar for 3D. It also meant that there was a lot of experimenting going on. Expect to see the 3D used in every way possible, from things jumping in your face, to far scenic vistas. Some work better than others, but mostly, they do a good job.
Fortunately, Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D isn't just a tech demo. There's actually a plot. You still want to ignore the 2D version, but for those without a choice, there are certainly worse options at the theater.
Instead of retelling Jules Verne's famous story, the plot centers around the idea that Verne journaled true events, rather than science fiction. It's an interesting take on it and I think it's a better movie for it. It made me accept the ridiculous idea of another world within our own a little easier. Much easier, in fact.
Obviously, the 3D plays an important role in the movie. I'm not sure how well it would have worked in 2D, but the story is good enough, I think. The action never stops, so really there's not much they could have screwed up. If you've never seen a 3D movie before, then this is a must see.
Grade: B
Quick, name a sequel that was better than the first? Empire Strikes Back comes to mind. Perhaps the Godfather, Part II? Aliens? There have been a few, but it's usually not the norm. When I reviewed the first Hellboy a few weeks ago, I wasn't expecting to add Hellboy II to that list. Thankfully, I can.
Now granted, that doesn't necessarily mean it's a good movie, right? Attack of the Clones was better than The Phantom Menace, but it's still a bad movie. It turns out, Hellboy II is pretty good.
Let's start with the best part - the plot. Since it's not an origin story, you get two hours of plot. That's perfect since none of that has to be wasted on introductions. Unfortunately, I'd recommend watch- er, suffering through the first one, just to fill in the gaps.
Like the first one, Hellboy II starts to slow down in the middle with a love story. I was so ready to rip into it, but the movie saves itself with one of the funniest scenes of the year. Just thinking of it now makes me laugh again. It's brilliant.
Another great thing is the variety of creatures Del Toro puts in front of the camera. It's like the Star Wars Cantina stretched out over two hours. And every one is different than anything else I've seen before. That's saying something since I've seen more than my fair share of Sci-Fi movies. The creatures all have a distinct Del Toro look to them, but that just makes me excited for The Hobbit.
Anyway, I'm not a true Hellboy Fanboy yet, but I'll definitely be seeing the third one.
Grade: B+
Why do I like this crap? I'm watching AVP:Requiem and laughing at the acting, the plot, and the stupidity of it all. Yet I keep coming back for more. Let me explain what I'm talking about...
The movie is set in Gunnison, Colorado and I'm thinking to myself, "Hey, that doesn't look like Gunnison....at all." Of course, there probably aren't too many people who have even heard of Gunnison, so I guess they get a pass.
At the halfway point, I'm rolling my eyes at yet another forced romance that doesn't belong. Why does Hollywood continue to do this? Who looks at this poster and thinks, "This had better have a good love story or I am SO getting my money back!" No. This is a movie about two CG creatures killing each other and any human that's stupid enough to get in their way. Or at least it should be.
And speaking of stupid humans, you know how in cheesy horror stories the victims always run upstairs when they should just run out the front door? Yeah, the humans in AVP:R are bred from the same idiot gene pool. I wonder if anyone has made a list of Movie Darwin Awards? Hmmm, I wonder if there's money in that idea?
So I sit through 90 minutes of this crap and get to the final scenes and think, "Oooh! I wonder where they are gonna go with this. I need to watch the next one!" Seriously. Someone put me out of my misery. That, or tell Hollywood that interesting, over-arching storylines cannot span multiple crappy movies. It makes idiots like me give them more money.
Grade: C+ (only because I can't bring myself to give it a B-)
Time for the annual "July 4th Will Smith Movie Event of a Lifetime." You can tell Superhero movies are hot in Hollywood now since there seems to be a new release every week. Will Smith's take is a little...odd. Imagine Superman combined with the lovechild of Jack Black and Kevin Smith. Only not as funny.Think back. When was the last time you heard Will Smith drop an F-bomb? I can't think of anything since he usually plays the hip, fun guy in a PG Action Adventure. In Hancock, he plays a jerk. And the amount of swearing he does (allowable in a PG-13 movie) actually caught me off guard. It wasn't believable. But as I settled into the movie, I guess I got used to it 'cause it didn't bother me later on. But perhaps that's due to all the other problems this movie had.
So everybody knows that every superhero has a weakness. Cool, no problem. However, being rational, simple people, we expect that weakness to be consistent. If the conditions exist to where the superhero is weak, he should not be writhing in pain in one scene and throwing another man out of a building in the next. When this movie comes out on DVD, I promise drinking games will be invented on the inconsistencies.
One other rule of superheroes. Every one needs a villain. Many times, the villains are better than the hero. Hancock's villain is an extra that showed up off the street for the day's shooting. I wish I was joking. It's like the writer got to page 80 of the script and thought, "Oh crap! I forgot a villain! *scribble *scribble *scribble." Ricky Gervais makes a TV show called Extras. I'm really hoping he spoofs this. It would be comedy gold.
So yeah, this movie is awful. Better luck next July 4, Will Smith.
Grade: D
I can't remember where I heard about Persepolis. It might have been in Harry's weekly DVD column on Ain't It Cool. It looked like an interesting premise, so I thought I'd check it out.The movie reminded me of the Kite Runner (the book, I haven't seen the movie, yet). Here, a woman tells her story of growing up in Iran. The movie covers several decades and power shifts, so a woman's perspective makes for an interesting story.
The movie is animated in this bizarre style that's more at home in a web comic. You can see it on the poster. I'm not sure if that helped things or not. Had it been live-action, it would have carried a heavier tone, so maybe it's best told this way. Someone remake this into a live action movie and send me a copy so I can find out.
But here's the problem with everything. It wasn't made for me. In fact, it wasn't made for men at all. This is a "woman power" flick. This is Sex in the City set in Tehran...with burqas instead of purses.
Now that doesn't mean it's a bad movie. In fact, it's very well done. Even my cold, dead heart can recognize a good chick flick. It's just that I would have preferred a documentary. Some of you might relate to how Mr. McIshmael can break a woman's heart. Me? Not so much.
Grade: C+ (Add a letter if you don't have a Y Chromosome)
When I saw Hellboy in the theaters a few years ago, I didn't like it. I couldn't remember why, just that I walked out thinking it wasn't very good. Now with the sequel coming out in a few weeks, I figured I'd give it another shot. Yes, I'll probably watch the sequel since I'm somehow drawn to crappy movies.Guillermo del Toro is bookending Pan's Labyrinth with the Hellboy's. I'm starting to get a feel for his directing style and enjoying it very much. Since the man is doing the Hobbit movies (yes, it's being split into two), this is a good thing.
Since I have a greater appreciation for del Toro's style now, I liked the look of the original Hellboy. At least, that's what I'm assuming. I remember very few good things about it, so liking the look has to be new. Right?
I still have problems with the plot, however. First, it's an Origin story which automatically knocks a few points off. I know that's not fair since every story has to have a beginning. But when you've only got two hours to tell a complete story arc, way too much time gets wasted on introducing the characters. The leaves a pretty thin plot.
Hellboy makes matters worse by throwing a completely useless love triangle into the mix. The fact that it's combined with a character introduction only makes it worse. Halfway through I completely lost all interest. Maybe it worked in the comics, but that would make sense since you have time to develop everything in that media.
I will say the ending was much better than I remembered. Not enough to save the rest, but good.
Grade: C-
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