John's Movie Musings

Man, it's been a rough week. In the span of only four days, I've seen the two worst movies ever created. Seriously. It feels like I've just been waterboarded...in crap.

Where to begin... Might as well start with Balls of Fury since I saw it first.

When I saw the posters and the trailers, I was kind of excited about it. I mean, it looked like a cross between Dodgeball and Mortal Kombat. Dodgeball is one of my all-time favorite comedies and Mortal Kombat holds a special place in my heart - right next to Krull. I wasn't expecting greatness, but I at least figured I'd laugh once.

Wrong.

Let me explain. I like to laugh. People tell me I have a contagious laugh. I haven't figured out if that's a compliment, yet, but regardless, I can find most anything funny. Except this movie. Here's a 90 minute "comedy" and I never laughed. Not even a chuckle. Well, Christopher Walken made me chuckle, but only once. Would it have killed 'em to toss in a cowbell?

Next is Superbad, which is rated R for "crude sexual humor." OK, I've been to High School, joined a fraternity, and seen Knocked Up. I think I have a pretty good idea of what "crude sexual humor" means.

Nope. Not a clue. Not only are there two hours of crude jokes, it's like every joke tries to be more crude than the one before it, and all crude jokes in the history of crudeness. Things got so bad, that by the end, I seriously wondered if what I was watching was legal. It's that bad. One might say, super-bad. (That's me sharing a bit of my grief with you).

Enough time blabbering about these crapfests. Avoid them both. Trust me. If your friend rents them and says, "Hey. Wanna see Superbad or Balls of Fury?" Punch him. And get new friends. If he adds, "I got beer." Knock him out. Take his beer. And get new friends.


Grades: F-