Ugh. Another stupid revenge flick.Remember those Death Wish movies with Charles Bronson? Something bad would happen to Bronson's family and he'd go all medieval on the bad guys and by the end, sunbeams and rainbows would fill the sky. The Brave One is Death Wish with Jodie Foster as Charles Bronson. No, not instead of Bronson, as Bronson. Seriously.
The family member in question is Sayid from LOST. So as to seem more helpless than Jodie Foster, Sayid is stripped of all his badassery. That's disappointing and completely unbelievable. True, it's not fair to typecast an actor, but if you see this (ha), let me know if you don't think the same thing.
But the real palm-to-forehead moment comes at the end. Revenge flicks live or die solely on their ending. They naturally build up a tension that must be resolved intelligently at the end. If that doesn't happen, you yell at the screen. Or at least I do. Here, when the final scene appeared, a giant FAIL stamp should have hit the screen. The Brave One makes the tragic flaw of making the characters do something completely unnatural just to wrap things up. It's sad.
What makes the ending so frustrating is that the rest of the movie is brilliantly acted. We all know Jodie can act and we get Terrance Howard playing the detective. The scenes they have together are great. But trust me, this ain't worth sitting through to see 'em.
There are plenty of other flaws. The way she gets her gun comes straight from the Convenient Conflict Resolution Handbook (2nd Ed.). Jodie also plays a NPR-like talk show host. Talk Radio is boring on its own. In a crappy revenge flick, it's torture.
Spare yourself the pain and skip this one.
Grade: D
Here's another movie I'm just now catching up on. Last summer, Ratatouille scored a crazy 97% freshness on rottentomatoes.com. It's at 95% now, but back then it was the highest rated movie of the summer. Needless to say, I was expecting big things.I like Pixar movies but I've noticed a shift in their styles. The earlier movies (Toy Story, Monster's Inc, etc) were funny - hilarious, even. Cars and Ratatouille seem more serious. That doesn't make 'em bad, but I do long for the funnier days.
I watched Ratatouille on Blu-Ray and holy crap! The 3D animation is unbelievable. The rodents' fur actually looked like fur instead of a flat fur texture. Also, animators are finally getting water (specifically, wet surfaces) to look right. It's not perfect, but it's getting close.
Overall, I think my expectations for this one were too high. I enjoyed it, and it's certainly a good movie, but it's not 97% good. In my ranking of Pixar movies, I'd place this one just above Cars, my least favorite.
Hmmm, I've run out of things to say. Since I'm sure all of you have seen this, what did you think of it?
Grade: B-
Independent movies rarely do Sci-Fi. Indie directors have a choice between special effects and, say, a cameraman...or food. But all that's changing (hopefully). Computers are cheap and anyone can torrent a copy of Maya. Even the Star Trek/Star Wars fan movies are looking pretty good. What? I only saw one.Sunshine comes to us from the UK. I think that's a little joke since we all know the sun never shines in London. Like I said earlier, it's an Independent movie so no one famous is in it. There are, however, a few actors who make you shout, "Hey! It's that guy!" I think this is one of the movie's strengths since you have no idea who will get killed off.
OK, so the acting is a strength, let's talk about a weakness -- the premise. The idea is that years from now, the sun starts to die. This makes the Earth like Hoth. Humanity grows tired of snow and decides the only way to save itself is to send a nuclear warhead into the sun and hope to "restart" it.
...
BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.
Being a somewhat technical person, that's laughably bad. This had to come from a Windows crash on the writer's laptop. Going outside in anger, he saw the sun and put two and two together.
But here's the kicker, the movie's pretty good. If you can force yourself into the concept, Sunshine makes a boring trip through space fairly suspenseful. Not knowing who's going to make it helps, but the writing is good on its own. Also, the director did a lot with the Special Effects, especially considering how little he had to work with. The shot of Mercury passing was definitely a "whoa" moment.
So yeah, things aren't perfect but I'd bet a few of you will like this one.
Grade: B
Like I mentioned last review, I was in Tokyo last week. For my trip over the Pacific (a trip God never intended anyone to make), Martian Child was my in-flight entertainment. Well, that and the food. When you get a chance, be sure to fly any of the Asian airlines. They're an adventure. And by adventure, I mean awesome.
Martian Child is a John Cusack movie. Half of you just skipped to the next review. Sure, he exceeds his Man Quota of romantic comedies every year, but I mostly like his stuff.
In this one, he plays a Sci-Fi (excuse me, Speculative Fiction) writer wanting to adopt a son. The movie really glazes over all those details, but eventually he forms a bond with a boy who says he's from Mars. And yes, there is a "Men are from Mars" joke. Think of it as the romantic comedy equivalent of a fart joke. "Well, you know men are from Mars. Pull my finger."
After all those tiny complications are conveniently swept under the rug, the movie digs in and starts taking jabs at your tear ducts. As Cusack explains, "Well, I'm sort of an expert in fantasy and I find that it allows us to explore things that are too tough for us to handle." If you can imagine what kind of past this kid has experienced to lead him thinking he's from another planet, you have a pretty good idea of where this movie takes you.
I tend to believe people should see these kinds of movies at least once a year. For me, it helps soften my cold, bitter heart and look at life (and the people in it) with a bit more warmth.
Grade: B+
I was in Tokyo last week and to prepare for the trip, a friend said I should watch Lost in Translation. He is no longer my friend.OK, the movie ain't that bad. In fact, didn't it win some awards? (Googles...) Yes, it won the Oscar for best writing & screenplay and was nominated for best picture. Why? I mean, I got what Sofia Coppola was trying to do with it. I just wasn't all that thrilled with how she got there. There were scenes of greatness, just too few to matter. In fact, other than those scenes, I've already forgotten everything else.
I liked Bill Murray, though. He pulled a Robin Williams and got all serious and pulled it off. There were some scenes I'm positive were ad-libbed. They proved he's still a genius even when not chasing ghosts or gophers.
Scarlett Johansson is ok but I'm still looking for a movie that makes me fall in love with her. Lost in Translation opens with a long shot of her ass so right away, you know her role here. They couldn't have been more blunt if they put "Bill Murray" and "Hot Piece of Ass" on the poster. Eye candy is fine, but I'm still waiting for something where she can stand out.
Most of you probably saw this years ago and I'm just now catching up. Those of you who haven't seen it have probably done so based on the opinions of the rest of your friends who told you to skip it. I'm not gonna change anyone's minds here, so let's just move on.
Grade: C-
Jackie Chan once asked, "War, huh, what is it good for?" Years later, his cousin, Jet Li answered, "War gets me in a movie with Jason Statham!"When I saw the poster for WAR (whenever that was) I remember thinking, "Hey, those are two action stars I like in the same movie." Then, after I saw the trailer I remember thinking, "Holy crap that's gonna suck. Maybe I'll rent it."
So obviously I had low, low expectations for this one.
First the good. It's not crap.
Now the bad.
- Jet Li. I always thought I liked Jet Li. But as I thought about it, his American movies are horrible. Want proof? Romeo Must Die. End of discussion. And I think his English is getting worse with every movie. I'd suggest he do more American movies to help that, but then I thank him for his reluctance.
- Devon Aoki. She's that girl from DOA. Never heard of it? Scroll down. In DOA, she played "Asian girl who can't act." She reprises that role here.
- I know more about Ms. Aoki's filmography than I ever wanted. That sucks.
- Stupid twists. The first few twists the movie throws at you are kinda good. But by the end, they are laughably bad.
Grade: C-
I love Character Studies - the kind of movies that dive deep into the twisted psyche of the protagonist and find flaws and traits that hit all too close to home. I always feel like I've grown or learned a bit about myself after watching one.Confessions of a Superhero, while a documentary, is such a film. It follows four "superheroes" who make a living working for tips outside of Mann's Chinese Theater: Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and the Hulk.
Superman comes across as the oddest of them all. Obsessive would be a good word. But he looks like Christopher Reeve and carries a strong moral code with him. He's portrayed as the "superhero cop," training newbies and keeping the rest of the characters within the bounds of the law.
I'm not sure what to think about Batman. He's the only guy in the world to think it's a curse to look like George Clooney. But I'm fairly certain that the life of Batman is more factual than the stories this guy told. You'll see what I mean.
Wonder Woman comes across as a sweet, innocent girl from Tennessee. She's cute and seems grounded, but I came away fearing she'll end up in the dark side of the porn industry. She's just got one of those stories.
Finally, the Hulk. He's got the worst costume, but his life is so tough that you can't help but pull for the guy.
I'm not sure how many years the cameras followed these folks, but it seemed like quite a few. So much so that I honestly feel like I know them. If I ever went to Hollywood, I'd almost be tempted to take 'em all out for a beer. Even through their quirks and oddities, or maybe because of them, these people are stripped to their simple humanity. There's a raw honesty present - even from Batman. I think that speaks to how great the director portrayed these people. Not as freaks, beggars, or losers, but as flawed humans we can all relate to.
If I had one complaint, it's that I got so engaged in the stories that I wanted a satisfying ending. Or at least, know the ending. But it's good that these stories are still being told, as are ours. I just wish mine turns out as interesting.
Grade: A-
Time for a confession. The only Steve McQueen movie I've seen is The Great Escape. But, I've seen that movie like ten times, so that offsets a little of my masculine inadequacy. Right?
Regardless of what you think of my manhood, Bullitt allowed me another notch in my McQueen Belt. Notice the name is spelled odd? You see, McQueen plays a detective named Bullitt, that sounds like "bullet," that detectives use a lot. Get it?
If you know anything about this movie, it's the car chase - probably the most famous car chase in movie history. In fact, all the car chases in today's movies are influenced by this one. Well, that might not be a fact, but everyone you tell that to will believe you.
Anyway, the famous chase takes place through the streets of San Fran. McQueen's driving a Highland Green 1968 Ford Mustang GT 390 Fastback, and the bad guys are in a Tuxedo Black 1968 Dodge Charger R/T 440 Magnum. Arrh Arrh Arrh!! (/Tim Allen)
Like you, I've seen a bazillion car chases. But here, there were so many "Dammmmn!!" moments, I lost count. And by the end, I think I audibly told the TV, "That was freakin awesome!" My TV then responded, "F'n A, man. F'n A."
So how's the rest of the movie? Well, it's a 1960s detective drama. It's slower, more deliberate than today's flicks, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Just don't go in expecting a Bourne movie.
But when you boil it all down, you have to see this just for the car chase. Skip to that scene if you have to, but put this one on your list of movies to see before you die.
Grade: B
Man, it's been a rough week. In the span of only four days, I've seen the two worst movies ever created. Seriously. It feels like I've just been waterboarded...in crap.
Where to begin... Might as well start with Balls of Fury since I saw it first.
When I saw the posters and the trailers, I was kind of excited about it. I mean, it looked like a cross between Dodgeball and Mortal Kombat. Dodgeball is one of my all-time favorite comedies and Mortal Kombat holds a special place in my heart - right next to Krull. I wasn't expecting greatness, but I at least figured I'd laugh once.
Wrong.
Let me explain. I like to laugh. People tell me I have a contagious laugh. I haven't figured out if that's a compliment, yet, but regardless, I can find most anything funny. Except this movie. Here's a 90 minute "comedy" and I never laughed. Not even a chuckle. Well, Christopher Walken made me chuckle, but only once. Would it have killed 'em to toss in a cowbell?
Next is Superbad, which is rated R for "crude sexual humor." OK, I've been to High School, joined a fraternity, and seen Knocked Up. I think I have a pretty good idea of what "crude sexual humor" means.
Nope. Not a clue. Not only are there two hours of crude jokes, it's like every joke tries to be more crude than the one before it, and all crude jokes in the history of crudeness. Things got so bad, that by the end, I seriously wondered if what I was watching was legal. It's that bad. One might say, super-bad. (That's me sharing a bit of my grief with you).
Enough time blabbering about these crapfests. Avoid them both. Trust me. If your friend rents them and says, "Hey. Wanna see Superbad or Balls of Fury?" Punch him. And get new friends. If he adds, "I got beer." Knock him out. Take his beer. And get new friends.
Grades: F-
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