John's Movie Musings

How does Uwe Boll do it? He's easily the worst director of our time (though Michael Bay comes close), yet he gets an incredible list of actors to star in his "movies." I mean look at that poster. You recognize everyone on it. And right now you're asking yourself why Jason Statham is starring in a crappy fantasy movie. I asked the same thing.

And it's just not those four. You will recognize nearly every actor in this. It's like there was a bet around Hollywood on whether or not Lord of the Rings would be a success. Everyone that lost had to star in a crappy fantasy flick from Uwe Boll. It's the only possibility I can think of.

So what exactly is this star-studded yarn? It's a crappy fantasy movie. Actually, it's not that bad. In fact, it's Uwe Boll's best movie to date (the fact that I've seen more than one should be an indication that I'm behind on my medication). Seriously. None of the major characters disappear in the middle of the story, and most of the plotlines have a resolution. It's almost like a real movie.

Of course, the camera edits are bad. The dialog is laughably stupid. And the acting is horrid - especially Ray Liotta. Someone needs to make a drinking game for every time Ray makes a "What the hell am I doing here" expression. Jason Statham does a decent job for what it is. But my favorite was Ron Pearlman who should have starred as Hellboy. Would have made for a better movie, methinks.

So next time you gather a bunch of friends around for a Friday Night Crapfest, watch this. Make sure the beer is flowing, though. It'll help. A lot.

Grade: C (Yeah, it really wasn't that bad)