OK, so me and my posse went to the midnight showing of Spiderman 2 last night. The theater was kind enough to let everyone into the theater at 10pm, rather than stand in line for hours so we got to play 3-man Advanced Wars 2 from the comfort of our seats, listening to some no name, unsigned band the theater is trying to pimp out. Those two hours flew by quickly (with no help from my poor strategery in AW2) and soon enough the lights dimmed and cheers of joy erupted from the audience.
Now I'm not going to sit here and critique the details of this movie for you. For most of you, not much will keep you from seeing it. You know you want to see it. And trust me, you NEED to see this film. It's the best film this summer, and it's the best superhero film EVER. 'Nuff said.
But I will address what the critics are saying about this. You've all heard all the rave reviews this film has been getting. In fact, it's sitting at 96% Freshness rating now at Rottentomatoes.com. But there are those critics out there who live in a place I like to call Clueless. Here's a few...
First up is Boxofficemojo.com. If you've never visited this site, do so. Movie release strategy and finances fascinate me, and if that's your thing, this is the place for you to be. So, by logic, you'd assume that this site is run by accountants. A quick look at their reviewing history shows that accountants do not like superhero movies with no movie ever earning more than a 'C.' The Spidey 2 review here is really no different than what you'd expect from an accountant. He completely missed all humor in the film (Spiderman delivering pizza is classic) but, really, perhaps I expect too much from the bean counters. So if you've got a number fetish, perhaps this review will help you. For everyone else, read this review like you read tax law.
Next up is The Adrenaline Vault (www.avault.com). This site used to be my source for PC gaming goodness, but it seems to be in a decline lately, with other sites getting news info first. So to compete, The Vault has started doing movie reviews. Why gamers are experts at movies, I'll never know. But enough about my skills at calling cooking pots black; how's the review? Well, pretty good until this statement comes along, "The problem with the movie is that it doesn't stretch far from the original. " Now it's painfully obvious that this person fell asleep halway through the movie. I won't spoil it for ya, but things get DRASTICALLY different in the Spidey Universe at the end of this ride. Being a gamer, I would expect the guy do have mastered the art of staying up all night. If he can't make it through a two hour movie, I really have to question his qualifications as a gamer, and his title as "Geek" in general. This review should have been left locked in the vault.
Last up is Metacritic.com. Metacritic.com is the BEST place to get an overall view of a movie by averaging all reviews into one score. Very handy. A quick glance at the reviews show that there's one black sheep in the crowd of rave reviews. A review from The Village Voice gave it a 60. The bad reviews are always the most interesting, so I had to see what he had to say. Here's a snip, "...in this incarnation, as opposed to the '60s comic book version, he's more innocuously depressed than defensively paranoid." I really have no idea what that means, but it's incomparably lame. Obviously Spiderman did not have enough big words in it for this reviewer. Perhaps next time he should just read a dictionary. Webster even has the word "web" in it.
So there ya have it, peeps. You will go see Spiderman regardless of what anyone says and you can go without fear that it'll disappoint.
Grade: A+
June 11
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Garfield - His 3 jokes were lame in the 80s -- still lame today.
Stepford Wives - riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
Chronicles of Riddick - Catching the late show at the Promenade AMC 24.
June 18
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Around the World in 80 Days - yawn.
DodgeBall - might catch this -- looks FUNNY!
The Terminal - Tom Hanks -- can't be all bad, right?
June 25
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White Chicks - ummmmmm, no.
The Notebook - No idea.
Two Brothers - That's that Tiger movie, kid flick.
July 2
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Spiderman 2 - Oh yes, definitely seeing this one. Friday for sure, maybe Wed, too.
America's Heart and Soul
Before Sunset
The Clearing
July 9
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King Arthur - Looks promising
Anchorman - Will Farrell always gives a good laugh.
Sleepover - Teenage Chick flick -- yawn
July 16
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I, Robot - Will Smith in an Azimov film. Looks good
A Cinderella Story
July 23
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Catwoman - Um, no. The trailers even make me gag
Bourne Supremacy - Defnintely!
July 30
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Harold and Jumar Go to White Castle - ??? What? Your guess is as good as mine
The Manchurian Candidate - Oh yeah
The Village - M. Night Shyamalan's new movie -- love his work
Thunderbirds - Live action movie of that old show with the marionette's. In other words, crap
Aug 6
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Collateral - Tom Cruise new movie. Haven't heard a thing about it yet
Little Black Book - No idea
Aug 13
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Princess Diaries 2 - I think a root canal would be less painless than sitting through this drivel
Aliens Vs. Predator - Wow easily could suck, but it's a film you just HAVE to check out. That might just be a guy thing
Yu-Gi-Oh! - How 'bout Yu-Gi-NO!!!
Aug 20
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Exorcist IV - Hmmm, those still freak me out
Without a Paddle - No idea
Aug 27
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Anacondas - Hmm, snake movie with Christopher Walken. Sounds terrible
Benji Returns: Rags to Riches - You have GOT to be kidding me!
So there ya have it. Lots of weekend trips to the theater for sure.
OK, I just got back from seeing Day After Tomorrow (DAT). Let me begin by saying that I love disaster movies. Deep Impact rocked. Volcano, yeah -- well, actually that one really sucked. But usually, if it's a movie about something being destroyed causing mass chaos, my butt's in the seat. Now after knowing that, I gotta say that DAT is BY FAR the best disaster movie I've seen.
Now, DAT is FAR from perfect. It IS a disaster movie afterall, and it definitely sticks to all laws that disaster movies must follow. Such as: The estranged hero and his wife/children. The "This is your last chance" speach. And of course, lame or wrong science to explain the scientific disaster so that Bubba in Arkansas thinks he learned something.
Oh, and don't get me started on the wolves. What kind of crap was that? They didn't even LOOK good. It's like they spent all this money on flooding New York and having Twisters in LA (really cool!) that they were like, "Bah, save some cash on the wolves. Everyone thinks they suck anyway."
And I gotta say, Peter Parker's brother....yeah, I half expected him to start slinging webs when he was out rescuing his girl from the 100 ft tidal wave. Classic.
So anyhoo, if you watch disaster movies the same way you watch MST3k reruns, then DAT is for you!
Grade: B-
Here are a few things I learned while watching this...
1. No more actor reunions in new movies. Watching Troy was like being a wallflower at a Braveheart/Lord of the Rings reunion. I mean seriously, Boromir should have warned Brad Pitt about Legolas's skill with a bow.
2. Orlando Bloom should never, EVER fire a bow in any movie from now on. He was a doing great job of shedding his elf image by playing a coward only to ruin it in the last 5 minutes with that damn bow.
3. Guys that all the girls are crazy about should play cowards more often. After Troy, I guarantee the landfills got a deluge of Legolas posters. Plus, this destroys that false image women have of men and begin to see normal guys in a more realistic light. Jhaan definitely moved up the list, if you know what I mean.
4. Brad Pitt should never be naked again. That whole destorying false masculine images I talked about in the previous point -- yeah, completely destroyed by Brad Pitt's ass.
5. More members of the Swedish Bikini Team need to be in movies. I'm quite comfortable with my false image of women. (Calm down ladies, just a bit of sexist humor We love you all)
6. While watching the truly amazing sword fight between Brad Pitt and Eric Bana only proved that George Lucas has lost everything he once had and has become just a greedy hack.
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